Who Am I Really Saying “NO” To?: A Mom’s Journey with Boundaries

Kendall Concini-Moore @cloudydaychronicles

I've had my fair share of toddler tantrums.

The genuine ones."Can I have a new toy?" "No.” Screaming & tears.

The chaotic ones. "Can I lick this battery?" "...Absolutely not." Screaming & tears.

The completely unpredictable ones."You peeled my banana the wrong way!" Screaming & tears.

Over the years, I've learned the difference between the moments to intervene, compromise, and simply let the feelings run their course. 

But recently, I found myself reflecting on a tantrum and asking: What was actually the hardest part?

We had spent the afternoon at an event where my kids were each treated with a sno cone. 

As we pulled into our driveway, the ice cream truck happened to roll down our street. Naturally..."Can we get ice cream?"

“Definitely not. You're still riding on sno cone energy.".  .Chaotic Tantrum pending

There was disappointment, "Aww..." but they actually accepted it.

Then Grandma chimed in. "Oh, why not? Let them live a little."

And suddenly, I found myself mentally bookmarking the entire interaction for my next therapy appointment.

Because at that moment, I wasn't parenting my children. I was parenting alongside another opinion.

When the kids immediately heard another opinion, “Maybe Mom's 'no' isn't really a no," the negotiations began. The whining began. What had been a settled decision suddenly became a debate.

I began snowballing, pun not intended, thinking about all the other moments like this. 

Bedtime Routine. Screen time limits. Family schedules. Snacks before dinner. 

Boundaries we've intentionally created in our home.

Sure our kids naturally test limits; that's part of growing up.

But sometimes we're not only holding boundaries with our children.

We're holding boundaries with grandparents, friends, social media, other parents, and other people..

The voice in our own head asks: "Am I being too strict?" "Am I ruining the fun?" "Should I just let this one go?" That's where guilt sneaks in.

Now, as you're reading this, you may have been nodding because two desserts in one afternoon sounds like a recipe for disaster. Or maybe you were thinking, It's summer! It's vacation! Let them have the ice cream.

But honestly, that’s my point. 

Replace my scenario with any of yours. The specifics don't matter.

The question does. 

Who are you really saying "NO" to?

Is this boundary for your child? For your family's values? For your routine?

Are you second-guessing yourself because someone else made you feel like you should? 

Every family gets to decide what works for them.

Our children will survive hearing “no”. They will survive the tantrum. 

What they'll remember is growing up in a home with loving, consistent boundaries set by the people who cared enough to stand by them.

Did they support one another? Did they communicate respectfully? Or did every "no" become a negotiation?

Because when kids see adults contradict each other in the moment, they don't just hear mixed messages. They learn that boundaries are up for debate depending on who's in the room.

So no, there wasn't ice cream after the sno cone. And maybe Mom deserves an extra scoop of grace instead of guilt.

If you want to know More about Kendall 

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@cloudydaychronicles