The Weird Grief of Watching Your Baby Grow Up

Nobody really warns you about the grief that comes with motherhood...

I don't mean the obvious kind. I mean the kind that sneaks up on you when your child does something you've been waiting months (or years) for them to do.

For me, it meant my son not wanting my help getting dressed this past week...

And I quietly got emotional.

You tell everyone how proud you are. But then, sometimes when nobody is looking, you realize…

"They don't need me for that anymore."

Somehow, that hurts.

My son is growing up. So, DUH, I know that's what he's supposed to do. I know I'm supposed to teach him independence. I know the goal has never been to keep him little forever...

But knowing something doesn't make it easy, because I remember when I was the one doing everything for him. I remember the tiny hands reaching for me.

Motherhood is strange like that.

You're constantly wishing for the next milestone while simultaneously wishing you could pause the current one.

But that's the job, isn't it?

To raise a little person who eventually doesn't need you to do everything for them.

To give them roots and then slowly teach them how to grow beyond you.

Maybe the hardest part isn't watching them grow...

Maybe it's realizing that every new version of them means saying goodbye to a version you've already fallen completely in love with.

I'll never get the baby version of my son back.

I'll never get that toddler version back either.

And someday, I'll probably look back at this exact season; the messy house, the endless questions, the little voice calling "Mommy," the independence, the chaos, and wish I could step right back into it.

So if you're in that strange place too:

Where you're incredibly proud of the person your child is becoming but secretly wish you could keep them little forever... you're not alone.

That's motherhood. And maybe this is the most bittersweet part of all.