The September That Changed Everything

There’s something about September that feels different...

Maybe it’s the cooler mornings. The school pictures. The smell of fall creeping back into the air. The sudden urge to reorganize the entire house like somehow buying a new planner is going to make you a more organized human.

...Or maybe it’s the realization that time really, truly does not give a single shit about whether you’re ready for the next chapter.

Because next week, my baby starts preschool, and I’m not sure I’m ready to say that sentence without feeling a whole bunch of things at once.

Excited.

Nervous.

Proud.

Sad.

Relieved.

Guilty for feeling relieved.

Excited again.

Motherhood is weird like that.

You can spend months counting down to a little more structure, a little more independence, a little more time to yourself…

…and then the moment actually gets here, you find yourself staring at your child wondering how the hell they got so big.

I remember when I couldn't imagine leaving him with anyone.

I remember the newborn days; the sleepless nights, the anxiety, the routines, the contact naps, the days that felt impossibly long, the days where I wondered if I was doing any of this right.

And now I'm buying school supplies.

I'm talking about drop-off.

I'm wondering if he'll make friends.

I'm wondering if he'll miss me.

And, if I'm being completely honest, I'm wondering if I'm going to miss him more because somewhere along the way, motherhood became my entire world.

This little person became part of almost every decision, every routine, every plan, every version of my future.

I became a stay-at-home mom.

I built a life around being here; around the naps and the snacks and the "Mom, look!" approximately 47,000 times a day.

Around the messy living room and the bedtime routines and the tiny hand reaching for mine... now I'm standing at the edge of a new version of motherhood.

One where he's going to have a world that doesn't include me every second.

And while that's a beautiful thing, it's also really hard.

I think moms don't talk enough about that part, so I am.

Maybe motherhood isn't about holding on tighter because you're afraid of time moving forward.

Maybe it's about learning how to loosen your grip while still being there...

To let them grow, and to let yourself grow, too.

So here's to September... to new routines, school drop-offs, watching our babies become little people with lives and friendships and stories that happen outside of us.